Friday, April 15


Its not like I play any instruments. And I can carry a tune but only in the car or the shower... I have terrible stage fright. But somehow, someway, music is the most amazing thing in my life. It picks me up when no one and nothing else can. I dont know how, I dont know why, the lyrics just make me feel so much emotion. I dont even know how it happened, or when it started but with one click of the play button on that magical music device called my ipod I can get completely lost in a world that is unlike anything in this world. It can be Western one minutes complete with cowboy boots and tractors and the next I can be bawling my eyes out because a song somehow makes me feel alive. And not even the type of alive that every human is.. the type of alive that I feel like I could conquer the whole universe with one simple step. It gives me that extra boost of confidence that nothing else can even come close to. Its like a drug. An Addiction.
Its also really really easy for me to associate songs and other artists lyrics with how I feel about someone or something. I've never really understood why but the second I hear certain parts in songs they open up a whole part of me for a person.  The scariest thing to me is that I can be completely comtrolled my music. An ex of mine completely understood that and felt the same way. and at the beginning of our relationship that was a good thing because he would play songs in the car that he knew would make me fell special and important to him but by the end of our relationship... I was hearing songs about just letting go and saying goodbye and how I will never be good enough.. It was excruciating. I never ever want to go through that again. I felt so broken and unwanted and un-needed. There are so many things that will remind me of him.. "Last Kiss" by Taylor Swift is actually coming through the speakers of the computer as I type right now. thats why this blog entry turned into being about my ex.. this song reminds me of our relationship so much..
Alright well, I guess I will probably blog later, or right now but about something else...

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